Tuesday, June 3, 2008


(Written May 2, 2008)

“If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you can move mountains.”

Things have been up and down lately. I have been praying a lot to know what to do. I mean, mostly our problems are laughable. We’re trying to figure out how to pay for an addition we want to put on the house. M has been out of work, been able to spend a lot of time with Blue Eyes. We have money in savings, so we’re not too threatened with the idea of his not working; However, he wants to be working and neither of us want to be throwing money away, whittling down that savings to nothing.

So, last week we were scrimping; not spending any money if we could help it.
I actually looked on the bright side of being sick all day and night on Saturday. It meant that we didn’t spend any money and stayed in around the house. We’ve never seen our credit card bills so low. And we know that we are lucky. We have our family and we have enough to pay bills and have money in reserve.

So, this week we have good news to spare. M had not one, not two, but THREE job opportunities come up. One job specifically wanted him to give up the most promising of the three and come on board with him. Friends of ours got free stay-late passes at DisneyLand and M&I were able to drive down after work on Monday and play. (We paid for it the next day when we had to get up with 4 and 6 hours sleep, respectively.) Blue Eyes has had two people interested in being her agent, for commercials, etc. Things went from worried to great!

And then I was sick again on Thursday. (No, I’m not pregnant. Many people have asked.) And today I come in to the announcement that our free daycare, which has been a blessing, and one of the main reasons I’m staying at this company, will be cancelled as of July 1. That’s a minimum $12,000 benefit, gone.

So, things go up, things come down. I have been reading a lot about being successful, people who are financially wealthy and prosperous.

(Specifically Dan Canfield’s Success Principles)


I have an affirmation posted on my wall in my office of what I want to happen in my life and how I want to feel about it. I know what I want to do, but keep failing to ACT.

It seems every time I start really wanting to not be at this job anymore, I get laid off. (It’s happened twice.) This time, there’s another thing kicking me in the butt, telling me to GET OUT. I’ve decided that I really don’t want to be at another job working for another boss. I want to work for myself. I want to set my own schedule and have a creative job that fulfills me. And today I work on Evan Almighty, which talks about being too concerned with one’s appearances and spending more time with family; most of all it talks about faith. And in the movie, very few people have it. Even his wife is ready to walk out on him. She has no faith in him. Even Evan has no faith in himself, or in God. He pretty much does what he has to because he’s being forced into it.

And I know what I want to do. All I need is to act on it and have faith. Yep, I could fail. Yep, I could write a book that never gets sold. I could write a book that get sold but flops. I could write a book that stinks. I could be really bad at this. Or, I could write a book that gets sold and begs another and another book. I could change the life of children. What if J.K. Rowling never got started and kept putting off her little project with that Harry character? What if Tolkien had never explored what a hobbit was? Then (as I was screwing around on the Net) I read someone’s signature on a chat board.

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein.

So, what the hell am I doing? I need to make use of my time. My house is a wreck and I have nothing to show for it. If my house is gonna be a complete war zone, at least I should have something to show for it. Part of me really wants to throw out the television and see how my life would change.

I have faith enough to sign mortgage papers; I have faith that we’ll be able to pay it back. I have faith enough to take out a loan to fix up the house; I have the faith that (even though our jobs have been less than reliable) we will be able to pay that back too. I have faith enough to tell a contractor to go ahead and start tearing the house apart. I have faith enough to bring a child into this world.

Why don’t I have faith enough to put some words on paper?

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